Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Morgan Evans' LiveJournal:

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Sunday, April 16th, 2006
2:53 am	Alleluia! Christ the Lord is Risen! Wow, I just realized I've now had this blog for over a year now, and have only averaged a post a month or so. I'll have to try to improve that over the next year, hopefully, though I make no promises, mostly because I'm tired of breaking them. But I'm feeling good right now, and it's Easter, so I'm filled once again with hope, and it may be that this blog shall have its own Reserection. He is Risen indeed! Alleluia! (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 11th, 2006
10:46 am	Why? God created everything. Our lives are a wonderful gift from God, a chance to explore God's wonderful creation. Living equals experiencing an innately good creation. So why does life feel like torture so much of the time? (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 6th, 2005
11:41 am	A non-substantial post . . . . . . but a post none the less. Anyways, the point of the post is to tell everyone what a wonderful game BattleMaster is. I can't properly convey it's full awesomeness at this time (I have a headache and Calc II homework to finish), so go see for yourself. And play. If anyone wants to know where I am in the game, I'm the Prince of the Principality of Zonasa on the Far East Island. I'm also the Marshal of the army in the Highland Empire on the same island, trying to save it from certain doom. I'm also in Avamar on the East Continent, but probably not for long. I don't find that as enjoyable. So, go look at it, and I shall post a proper review later. (Comment on this)
2:17 am	Back? Right. . . . So, two months after coming back, will I finally update? History says no, but we can hope for the best. (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, October 2nd, 2005
8:52 am	And Back Yes, I'm back to updating this, after stopping for a long time, much longer than I had planned, for various reasons. But I'm back now. And now for two thoughts of the day. First, this year is the 50th anniversary of the Civil Rights Act, or so I am told. With this in mind, allow me to say something possibly controversial: There are no "Black Rights." There are no "Women's Rights." There are no "Gay Rights." Nor are there "White Rights," "Men's Rights," or "Straight Rights." There are only Human Rights. We may have some cosmetic differences, but we are all Children of God, and to suggest one group of us has a different type of rights than another group is wrong. No strides have been made in "Women's Rights," in "Black Rights," or what have you. Instead, strides have been made in Human Rights -- for now we deny those rights to less people. As long as some are denied the rights granted to all, then the rights of all are lessened. We are One Body, what we do to the least of these, we do to all humankind. My second thought: It seems most people object to Gay Marriage on religious grounds. This, of course, would suggest that most people believe that Marriage is a religious issue. I quite agree with them, it is! That is why we cannot make a law against it -- it is a religious issue! And the US constitution prohibits us from making laws against the free practice of any religion. A law in favor of Gay Marriage CANNOT compel any Church to accept it. If the Church does not endorse the marriage, it is not a valid marriage! But it is unconstitutional to make it illegal for a Church to marry those whom it believes it is right to marry (unless it is somehow harmful). Marriage should be the exclusive domain of the Church, not the State. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, July 22nd, 2005
4:50 pm	Away for a while . . . not that you'll notice much difference, with how little I've been posting lately. But I'll be away for the next two weeks with no internet access, nor even any sort of computer at all (other than the one I call by brain -- I once got marked down on a pre-calc test because when asked on a question to either show my work or indicate that I used a calculator, wrote 'The calculator that I call my brain' or something to that effect. The professor, obviously, was not particularly pleased, but I didn't think much of her either. I ended up withdrawing from the class and joining the Calculus class next semester, then proceeding to take 12th place in the Northeast region on Math Team for Massasoit Community College. Ah, vindication). Anyways, I'm going to be at Boy Scout Jamboree for the next two weeks, working as staff in my demonination's relationship booth. And no, I won't be revealing exactly what that is for the obvious political reasons. The views expressed here are my private views, and may or may not represent the views of my Church. That is, actually, a large part of why I use the pseudoname Morgan Evans here and in other places online (aside from the fact that I just really like the name. It's more a second name than a false name), as it would not be a good thing when I'm trying to help the Boy Scouts and my Church get along better for it to be publicly known some of my views, the fact that I am bisexual, and some other tidbits one could gather here. Anyways, we're finally all packed and ready to go, so I shall do that now, I hope to post how things went when I get back. Please, pray for me and everyone at the Jamboree -- I have the feeling it might be needed. Hopefully, we can help people work together for our common goals, even if we don't see eye to eye on a few issues. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, July 14th, 2005
8:47 pm	Musings I was looking through my document files, trying unsuccessfully to find some papers I was supposed to finish for an imcomplete (rather: three incompletes), when I found some old musings I had written down. It's rather long and rambling, and I never did quite finish it, but I think it's rather interesting, so I'll post it, and perhaps that will inspire me to finish it sometime. I don't think, even in the movies, and certainly not in the books, that the Imperials were all evil and the rebels were all good. Sure, a lot of the philosophy of the Empire was based on some rather nasty ideals, and the system rewarded the more 'evil' people. Sure, the rebellion was mostly based on moral idealism, but they were often -- though not always -- willing to overlook lesser evils to win the battle at hand. Han, a former drug smuggler, was made a hero by them. And in the books, it's even worse: they made a deal with Jabba, a big-time slaver dealer and drug dealer, to raid one of his competitor's drug factories, then sold the drugs to finance their illegal insurrection. And when you look at Red Hand squadron, commanded by a former lover of Han Solo, they had just as much blood on their hands as many Imperials. They ruthlessly attacked any and all slavers, and took no prisoners. Their enemies learned not to try surrendering, because they would be given no quarter. Mara Jade worked for the Empire, but was she evil? She may have committed some questionable acts, but she believed quite firmly that she was doing the right thing to make the New Order secure, which would, once the rebels stopped rebelling, be able to give peace to the galaxy and make things right. Perhaps she was misled in this, but the idea that the rebels caused a breakdown in the social order the New Order was trying to create is valid, and ideally correct. The breakdown of the social order, the introduction of chaos, allows for crime and mortals to prey on one another: in other words, it allows for evil. In a perfectly ordered system, this problem would not exist. However, their exist problems with this, as any non-conformity must be squashed, and this destroys the unique beauty that is life. So the desire for freedom rebels, possibly expressing itself in destructive ways. Corruption of officials, cheep diversions like drugs, crime, open rebellion, all these could be sparked by such an attempt to make things perfectly ordered, and will create problems in the system, and make it profitable for more of the same to happen. Entropy at work in the social order. While this need to be unique is not evil, and is infact good, it allows for evil. The evil comes from a corruption of this need to be unique: the need to be better than others. Thus, we have systems were 'some are more equal than others.' We all have power within us. Power to choose, power to be different, power to know, power to create, we are said to be made in God's image, and thus we have a little bit of God's power in us. But, as they say, power corrupts, and thus this power is perverted, and we want more of it. We want our power recognized. Sometimes we release this in a positive way that helps everyone. But sometimes, many times, we instead choose to take power from others for ourselves, or diminish their power so we have more in relation to them, instead of working together to use everyone's unique power so that the power of all is increased. In the end, this gives us no satisfaction and does not make us any better. But we think it does, we think such selfishness will make us happy. For a short time it will, but only a short time, like an addictive drug. Then we want more, more, and we must find new people to turn on, new sources for our quick fix of power. This, then, is the flaw of the Empire. Often I sympathize with Anakin Skywalker, when it said it would be easier if someone with all the answers could just tell everyone what to do. It would be easier, much easier, and when I see the stupidity of some people that we have put in charge, I wonder if it might not be such a bad idea after all, if that person truly had the best interests of everyone in mind, and knew the right things to do to make everything perfect. But God, who would seem by definition to have our best interests in mind, and to know exactly what would make everything perfect, rejected this, giving us free will. We, as unique mortals, made the choice in the Garden of Eden to embrace uniqueness, and not to live forever in a beautiful paradise where there was no evil, but where we were also as children, rather than adults. If God, in God's infinite wisdom, gave us the choice to be unique adults, not carbon-copy drones, who are we to think we should attempt to rule God's creation in that manor? It has been tried several times in both literature and the real world, and has consistently failed. In A Wrinkle In Time by Madeleine L'Engle, It has created a society in which there is no differences. All are completely alike, and if there is ever any hint of differences in someone, they are taken away to be readjusted. All is perfectly ordered it seems, no one steals, goes hungry, or steps out of line. Everyone is alike, and It provides. Because they are all alike, no one is greater than anyone else, nor do they desire to be so -- it is perfect equality. But as Meg says, "Like and Equal are not the same." They may be alike, but they are not equal in any way that matters: they are carbon copy drones, not unique individuals that recognize that they are different, but yet equal. The method is different in Star Wars, but the same principals hold. The Emperor knows best, and his word is law. One group -- humans, and to a lesser extent, males -- is better than another group, aliens and females. While aliens were not mistreated to the same extent as Jews were in Nazi Germany, the principal is the same. And while the populous of the galaxy had not been turned into duplicates of one perfect ideal, there are hints that such a program was happening on a small scale, and all answered to one ultimate authority with absolute power, which tolerated no dissent. The 'evil' of the Empire, then, was that it was human. It started out benign, Palapatine was once a good senator, and while he plotted to gain supreme power, he needed it so that he could bring the New Order on the galaxy, telling everyone what to do so the social order would be perfect. But in the hands of mortals, power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. The allure of the power he used to make things into his vision of a perfect universe was to powerful for him to resist. The corruption entered the system. The lure of greater power called many officials of the New Order into selfishness. We are told there was corruption under the Old Republic, given even greater power in the New Order, the officials became corrupt to a greater degree. The culture of power and corruption filled the Empire, and the values of getting ahead irregardless of others were promoted, and thus bully tactics and rule through fear became widespread. People rebelled against this, and as chaos spread, the culture of selfishness manifested in more chaotic ways, such as crime. The rebellion and the Empire are not solely to blame for all the ills of the galaxy, of course. Many did exist before them. However, while the Empire did initially stop many problems, it was not a viable solution, rather it was a time bomb that exasperated the problem. When the rebellion came upon the scene, this allowed the bomb to explode. Crime and all sorts of social ills and inequalities became evident, and both Empire and rebellion were to blame. The original intent behind both, however, was not evil. Both were intended as a solution to a problem, and both ended up creating many other problems. Neither is wholly evil or wholly good, for both are made up of mortals, who have great potential to do good and work to improve the power of all, but who are also tempted to selfishly ruin the power of others in a vain attempt to make their own power more important. There are many in the Empire who work to improve the lot of all, and use their power responsibly. Yet many others use their power for their own ends. There are many in the rebellion who want freedom to use their power to help others as they see best, but there are also many in the rebellion, and in the general culture promoted by the rebellion, who simply want the freedom to do whatever they want, when they want, without regard for others. Just like the mortals that they are made up of, the Empire and the rebellion can be a power for good or for evil. However, the culture of the Empire tends to promote selfishness, leading to evil, and the culture of the rebellion tends to promote cooperation, leading to good. Ironically, this stems from the Empire promoting all functioning together as one and sacrificing for the greater good, and from the rebellion promoting individuality. While these factors causing the results they do may at first seem counter-intuitive, it is in fact quite logical when one thinks about it as applied to mortals and the desires of mortals. The Empire promotes one central entity as being supremely powerful and important above all else. Any sacrifice, any action is justified in the name of this entity. This, of course, can lead to atrocities being committed in the name of this central authority, with no remorse or thought that it might be the wrong thing to do. It is sad that the children had to die, but that was the best way to achieve the goal of the central entity, so it was okay to do it. While this morality is certainly questionable in and of itself, the building up of only one figure as being of any worth can lead to even worse for those who are given some of the power of this central entity. They now are part of the one all important cause, they have part of the highest power. But why should they have only part of this power? Why should not the most important thing in the universe be themselves? They are already used to thinking of one thing as being the only thing that matters in the end. It is not too far a leap for them to go from thinking that the authority that grants them power is the most important thing, to their power being the most important thing. Anything can be sacrificed for the gain of their own power. The rebellion, on the other hand, promotes the importance of the individual. This, of course, does create some amount of selfishness and can promote overblown egos, as all are encouraged to think for themselves, do what they think is best, tells all to use their own power, and gives everyone a sense of being important, rather than just another cog in the machine. This can detract somewhat from people’s ability to work together, willingness to sacrifice for others, and sense of community. If you are important, it is much harder to sacrifice your life than if the cause is the only thing that is important. Indeed, this is reflected in the design of rebel and Imperial fighters: Tie fighters are without shields, hyperdrive, landing gear, or life support. They are nothing without the advantage of many others working with them, a perfectly oiled machine. They cannot live without their home ship, for their landing gear is a part of that ship, the means of traveling from system to system is on that ship, safety is found with a higher power, and they live to serve that power. Rebel fighters, however, have shields, life support, landing gear, and a hyperdrive. They can strike out on their own in small groups on their own missions without the aid of a carrier. Deprived of support, they can escape, land where they choose, and survive. Shields tell the pilots they are important, they are not expandable. Everyone has a very special contribution to make. If, then, one believes that one’s own self is important because you are a unique individual, it is not to hard to see that others are also unique individuals, and thus important as well, merely in different ways than you are. If one can recognize this important fact, then one can see that others are not so different from you after all – all are unique, but in this shared property of uniqueness is an equality of sorts. Perhaps all might not be seen to be as important as everyone else. But each holds the equality of being a fellow unique individual, and that deserves to be protected. (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 7th, 2005
6:41 pm	Fiction While You Wait. While I decide what to post next, I thought I'd post a short story I wrote a few months ago. I had hoped that I might be able to continue the story I had posted a couple sections of before, but I'm currently having an impossible time revising the third chapter. So, in its stead, here is 'Lessons.' “Oh, ho! So you challenge me, boy, do you? You have a desire for pain, perhaps? More than your normal beatings?” The boy did not respond, but stared back, stony faced. “Very well, I shall oblige, if you insist on your foolishness.” The man bowed, mocking the young boy. “Choose your weapon, my lord. I am at your service, but I assure you, I can best you with any weapon.” “Unarmed. No weapons. We’ll see who fights best with only themselves to rely on.” “Very well, as you wish.” What devilish tricks is the little scamp up to now? No matter, I am twice his size, I shall break his neck. He is foolish for challenging me, foolish or desirous of pain. And if he should by chance have some surprise, my weapons are within reach. Perhaps I shall use them from the start, yes, I have those in my pocket. They shall work nicely, and he’ll never know until he feels them cut him. “Alright. Do you need any time to prepare, or shall we begin now?” The man causally clasped his hands behind his back, seeming to wait for an answer. As his only response, the boy threw a punch, leaping into a fighting stance as he moved. “You are unwise to lower your defense in the presence of an enemy.” Slightly surprised, the man stumbled back, trying to avoid the punch. To his credit, he managed not to fall flat on his back, though the boy landed another punch as he was regaining his balance. “Shame, we’re enemies now? What have I, your master, your teacher, done to deserve such enmity from you?” “You know. I shall not waste my breath on you. I will not let you distract me with words.” In truth, Morsimir did not know the exact reason for this attack. He could think of over a dozen reasons why Tomir might wish to kill him, he just did not know which particular one had caused his student to finally snap. A shame, really. Ah, good, he was ready now. He brought his hands up just in time to deflect another punch from Tomir. “Very well, I suppose so. So we are enemies now, and will be until one of us kills the other.” “Until I kill you, you mean.” “I suppose in that case, I’ll simply have to kill you. . .” – Morsimir suddenly broke off his casual conversation as he lunged with a vicious jab from his left hand – “. . . now.” The punch connected, the hidden spikes driving into Tomir’s body. “You see, your mistake was letting an enemy’s hands leave your sight. If you let him do that, there’s no knowing what he’s doing with them.” The other punch from Morsimir’s right hand plowed into Tomir’s gut, and Tomir sagged to the floor. “You. . . you cheated! It was to be no weapons!” Was all Tomir could sputter, outraged that he had been tricked, indigent that he had been made a fool of, furious that he had lost. “Yes, I did. Is there something wrong with that?” “It was against the rules! It wasn’t fair!” “Little is fair, young one. Have you learned nothing? To deny yourself of all available weapons is to deny yourself of winning. To deny yourself of winning is to deny yourself of control of your survival. And that, in this world, is the same as giving yourself up for death.” Tomir braced himself for the killing blow, sure that his teacher’s words signaled the end for him, punishment for his rashness. He waited, eyes closed, not daring to breathe until he felt he would pass out from lack of air. He breathed, relaxing involuntarily. And then the hand that was holding him let go, and he fell back. Morsimir stood up. “Lesson over. What have you learned, welp?” Tomir blinked in surprise, then turned red. Another of his master’s lessons. He should have known. And yet his master always seemed to get the better of him, make a fool out of him, and turn everything into a humiliating lesson that showed just how much he had to learn, how inferior he was. “Yes, master. I have learned.” “Good. What have you learned?” “I have learned. . . use everything I can. Always be prepared. Always know what my enemy is doing. Trust no one. Win at all costs.” “Very good. Now leave me, and be thankful I am in a good mood.” The man came at him, seemingly out of nowhere. “Ha! Whatcha doin’ out here ‘lone, boy?” The man demanded. “I’m doing whatever I wish to do.” Tomir replied calmly. A street thug, challenging him? The poor fool had bitten off more than he had bargained for, if he thought Tomir was another common street urchin to bully and steal from. “Oh! Is that so, eh?” “Yes. It is. And you can’t stop me.” Tomir allowed a hint of arrogance to creep into his voice. If nothing else, training under Master Morsimir had made him used to far worse than this street thug could ever deliver. The fight would be easy. “Ya threatenin’ meh, boy?” “No. Stating a fact.” Suddenly, a whip shot out. Something sharp, bladed, and metal struck him in the gut. Where had that come from? “That so, boy, eh?” “Bloody. . . what was that?! So it’s a fight, eh? Then a fight you have, and it is so!” The whip shot out again, wrapping around his legs. This time, Tomir could see the dagger at the end of the whip. Interesting. His thoughts were suddenly interrupted as the man pulled on the whip, yanking Tomir’s legs out from under him and dumping him on the ground. “Most men I killed weren’t so sure when I dump ‘em on their backs! Still think ya kin beat meh, welp?” Tomir groaned in pain, but managed a defiant growl. “You’ll regret this day.” He started to get up, but was interrupted by a kick from the thug. “Down boy, down!” The man laughed cruelly. Tomir tried to get up twice more, but each time the man knocked him back down before he could get up. The second time, he gave up and just lay there. “Ha! Gottcha, eh?” The man flicked his whip at him a couple times, missing by inches. Probably just playing with him. In a way, Tomir wished he would just end it. The man paused. When he resumed, the came down on him, hitting him this time. There was no blade now. Again the whip came down, and again. Eventually, Tomir passed out. When he came to, the man was gone, and he was still alive. He checked, the man seemed to have taken a few things from him, his dagger and a few copper coins, but he had not been carrying much worth stealing. Ah. There were the footprints. He looked around, searching for a weapon. There, that piece of metal over there should work well enough. He searched the area more, finding a large shard of glass and a short length of chain. The glass should work well enough as a makeshift dagger, and perhaps he could use the chain as a sort of fail of some sort. He practiced a little with each of his new weapons, getting the hang of them as best he could. Then he set out after the footprints. It was not long before he saw the man. At least, he was reasonably sure that it was the same man, but no time to stop and check. He threw the glass shard. Either through skill or luck, it hit the man in the back. It did not, however, seem to do much other than serve to alert the man to his presence. Alright, so maybe that wasn’t the best idea. He’s coming. The whip lashed out again, the dagger back on it. Tomir tumbled out of the way. The whip lashed once more, but this time he was ready. He swung the chain, catching it up with the whip. Taking the thug by surprise, he yanked on it, disarming the man of his weapon. The man tried to draw the dagger in his belt – Tomir’s dagger – but Tomir was on him with his broken piece of metal even as he tried to do so. A few deft swings, and it was over. Tomir retrieved his dagger, slitting the thug’s throat with it. “I win.” He whispered. “Indeed.” Spoke a voice from the shadows. “And what lessons have you learned?” What? This – a test? “Master? You were. . . watching? How long?” Suddenly he was on his back. “I asked you a question. What lessons did you learn?” “Yes, master! Be aware to all threats. Always be ready. Strike first. Do not let myself be goaded. Do not let myself be blinded by arrogance. A person on his back cannot fight or defend himself. A person without a weapon cannot fight or defend themselves. Anything is a weapon in the right hands. Always finish things. Never leave an enemy alive. Always win.” “Very good. You have learned. You are. . . dismissed. You may go collect your belongings. I have added a few things to them. Parting gifts, to help you win in this world. Or to start winning.” “But. . . master? Do you mean?” “Yes. Your time with me is over. Go. You are ready to win. But remember: always win. Never ever lose. Win at all costs. Be the best.” “Yes, master.” But his master was already gone. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 5th, 2005
11:29 am	On Randomness Too long since I've posted something worth posting. Time to correct that now. I'm no physicist, I'm not much of anything really, I'm not even sure what I'm going to major in -- but I've had an idea. It's been in my mind for several months now, but I've never really written much of it down. I've been meaning too, so I shall correct that now, and explore it some here. It's this: nothing in the Universe is random. There is no such thing as randomness, at least as it applies to the physical world. Things may seem random to our eyes, but they merely look that way because we don't understand the complex rules that they are actually following. Take a dice roll, for example: it is often used as a synonym for randomness, yet it is not at all random. It follows exact laws of physics that govern exactly how it will roll. If we were to roll the dice in exactly the same way, form exactly the same height and so forth, we would expect that it would come out the same every time. If we were able to measure every aspect of how the die was rolled, and knew every physical law acting on the die, then we could predict with absolute certainty how it would turn out, every time. In fact, with the right knowledge, we could predict exactly how anything would turn out (excepting things that involve the actions of someone with Free Will). Perhaps this is an explanation for 'Fate,' since excepting Free Will, things are Fated to happen -- by the laws that govern the Universe. Free Will, of course, gives us the ability to make choices that are not dictated by the physical laws of the Universe. Perhaps, also, this is one way to look at God's omniscience: if God designed the very laws of nature, then surely God knows how they will act out in any given situation. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, July 1st, 2005
12:39 pm	I'm Back Alright, while my stomach still isn't perfect, it's much better, and I hope to post some substantial posts on here soon . . . the only question is what to post about. Gay Marriage? Free Will? Something else? So many possibilities. . . . (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 15th, 2005
11:30 am	Ugh So I've been hoping to post a few things recently, but I haven't gotten around to it. Two reasons. First, this game. Second, I've had Crohn's Deasease, an Inflamatory Bowl Deasease (if you can't figure out what that is, it's a GI disorder that you don't want to know the details of), since I was young. It's been in remision for quite some time now, partially due to a medicine called Antigrin that I was part of a study for. Several months ago, several people on another study of Antigrin died, and so they pulled the medicine and stopped all the studies, and checked to make sure we were all alright, which I was. However, now my Crohn's is acting up again, giving me bad stomach aches, diarea, and more I won't go into. I'm going to Florida today for my Grandmother's 90th birthday, and will be back in about a week. Travel has never been very good for my stomach, so I'm not sure how things will go -- it's quite possible, perhaps even likely, that I will have to go to the hospital when I get back. Please, pray for me. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 9th, 2005
9:14 am	What God are they worshiping? So, a few days ago, I saw something on TV about some anti-gay protesters. They came all the way from Kansas, if I remember correctly, to protest someone in a school here in MA winning an award for an essay about Ellen Degeneros (or however her name is spelled). A little strange, but whatever, free speech and all that. What really got me angry, though, was the signs the held: various slogans such as "God hates gays," "God hates America," "America is doomed," and so on. Now aside from the questions it could raise about their patriotism, what I was wondering was exactly what God is this that they're worshiping? The God I know of is a loving God. God loves us all, even the sinners. Especially the sinners, perhaps, they need the love the most. God does not hate anyone, and to suggest he does -- I can hardly imagine a worse offense against God. Certainly God doesn't like the fact that we sin, he hates that -- what person wouldn't hate the fact that someone we loved was sinning? In fact, I might suggest that God hates our sin because he loves us. All this is not to say that homosexuality is a sin -- some people say that it is, I disagree with them, but respect their opinion, so long as it is expressed constructively. But God does not hate us for the fact that we sin. Hates the fact that we sin, yes, but God does not hate even the worst sinner -- in fact, God loves them so much, that he sent Jesus to die for those sins, and calls us to redemption, hoping that we will repent of our sins and be saved. If there is one thing I know in this world, it is that God is Love. Saying that God hates another human being -- I can scarce imagine a greater sin than that. It really makes one wonder just who these people are worshiping -- God, the Lord of Love? Or Satan, who does indeed hate us? One wonders. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 7th, 2005
10:18 pm	BACK! Yes, I know, I've been gone a while. My only excuse is that school kept me sort of busy, though I didn't do nearly as much schoolwork as I should have, and that I've been depressed. I'm mostly feeling better these days, so I might actually feel like writing now, which I hope I do, since I have some ideas I want to post about. Of course, I suppose I could try finishing my incompletes . . . ah well. (Comment on this)
Monday, April 25th, 2005
9:42 am	Depression and Faith In some ways, depression is the ultimate test of faith for me. When I'm not depressed, I just know God exists, life is just such a wonderful thing for God not to. I can see God everywhere I look, God's Love is evident everywhere I turn, and it makes life the best thing ever. But then there is depression. I have often heard Hell defined as being apart from God. This is what depression is like. I can't see God in the world. Things are dreary, it's as if God's Love has been sucked out of the world somehow. Sometimes I can't even remember what it was like to see God's Love in the world. This, then is where faith comes in. I can't see God the way I can when I'm not depressed. But does this mean that God no longer exists? I have heard the example of the sun used: we can see the sun in the day, but at night, we cannot (well, sort of). Does this mean that the sun does not exist during the night? We can remember a time when there was a sun. And I can remember a time when I felt God. But this is not exactly faith. This is just memories. Faith, perhaps, is it living inside us: still knowing, in the darkest hour of the night, what sunlight on your skin feels like. Still knowing, in the depths of depression, what God's Love surrounding you feels like. Perhaps, in that case, I need to work on my faith. I have some, but I think I will need more. As a side note: Life is something like a rollcoster. It goes up, down, twisty-turny, makes you dizzy, makes you throw up, and can kill you. Or make you wish it killed you. I wrote a poem along those lines a few days ago during an English test when I was too depressed to take the test. Where is the exit from this amusement park called 'life'? Too much, too much, I must shut down. Sometimes (well, more than sometimes) I want to kill myself. But I never manage to do anything, and I'm too much of a failure to even get that done. So I guess I'll just have to have faith that God will somehow get me out of this. It seems impossible . . . but with God, anything is possible. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 19th, 2005
11:22 pm	Can a soul be said to have a gender? Hmm, looks like I've gotten into a weekly update schedule. I'd hoped to update more frequently, but I guess I'll just do it as the spirit moves me. Anyways, to get back to philosophizing, I maintain that gender is, mostly, an invention of society. Understand that this is coming from someone who would feel about equally comfortable with the body of either sex. I understand that bodies come in male and female (with a few variations). Certainly male and female bodies are different, and certainly they have different hormones and such that may affect actions they take. However. A body does not a person make. Even a brain, I would venture to suggest, does not make a person. This is something that I will eventually have to study more in depth, but I would suggest that the real person is not material. It is emotional, spiritual. The mortal body is a vessel for it. For lack of a better term, I shall refer to this 'real person' as a soul. Now all souls, at least all healthy souls, I would suggest, are inherently equal. There are no distinctions of skin color, sex, hair color, eye color, nose shape, ect. They are all souls, and they are all children of God. Physical bodies are not all the same. They look different for one thing, and they all have different physical capabilities. How each body interacts with the soul it carries is different, as well. Some interact well, some bodies are ill and do not interact well with the soul they carry, but that does not make their soul any less of a soul or any less equal than other souls. Alright, it's late and I'm tired, so I'll end here for tonight, and maybe continue tomorrow. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 12th, 2005
11:02 pm	Feeding with Fiction Whilest I work on my next entry for this (which will probably have to wait until after I finish a long overdue paper on Joyce's "The Dead"), I might as well assure you all that I am indeed still alive, and sake your appetite for more (if indeed anyone reading this has such) with some more fiction, part two in my short story currently titled "The Hormenith Portal Incident." This is the first part. Speaking of which, I took part in the 16th Storybloging carnival. You can find it here. And now, for our feature presentation. . . . ~Part II: Perils of Service~ Langoonian Date: 34-35 Enlar, Kilocycle 387 Gor’tith Gor`tith wasn’t enjoying retirement a great deal. He had left Military Intelligence Services only two and a half decacycles ago, and he was actually missing the work he had once hated. Maybe he should try to find some other work that would be interesting . . . maybe he could get a job with the Hal`gul`rin Institute of Knowledge. They were always sending people to other modules. That would be fun. He had almost made up his mind to try to get a job with HIK when a knock came at the door. Who could that be? he wondered, I never get visitors. He went to the door to greet whoever was there anyways, and saw two men in suits standing outside, pretending to be casual. Having worked with similar people for a good deal of time, it wasn’t hard for him to tell they were MIS agents. He knew what they were probably here about. Should he open the door? Suddenly he didn’t miss analysis quite so much. Oh well, ignoring them won’t deter them much anyways. He sighed in resignation, and opened the door. “Yes?” he asked, just in case they weren’t here for the reason he knew they were. “We’d like to talk with you, if we may, Lt. Resmean,” the one on the right said. Like I have a choice. “Of course, though I am no longer a lieutenant. . . .” He trailed off, waiting for the other to give him a name to use. “Your commission has been reactivated,” the other stated, ignoring the implied question. “I see.” “Here are your papers. You are to report tomorrow.” The other agent handed him a case, and then they both left. Oh well, guess my problem of not enjoying retirement had been solved for me. Might as well see what’s in the case. He closed the door and went into his study, sat down at the desk and opened the case. Well, well. The top paper was a document saying that he was hereby promoted to the rank of Commander, effective 35 Enlar of this Kilocycle. Underneath it was a document informing him that his clearance had been raised from level 5 to level 7. It looked like he was moving up in the world . . . maybe it wouldn’t be to bad now. Several hours later, he was still studying the papers he had received. Something was going on at the Hormenith Portal, and as he had brought it to Command’s attention, Command wanted him to find out what it was, because no one had much of any idea. He studied the summery again, looking for anything that he may have missed. He was actually enjoying it now, trying to find out what was happening. Oh well, nothing I can tell from this stuff. No clues in these papers that I hadn’t already found. I’ll have to wait until I went in tomorrow morning. He looked up at the clock and corrected himself. Not tomorrow morning, later this morning. Is it really that late? Oh well, guess I should get to bed then, I have work tomorrow. Thought I’d left that, guess not. Gor`tith bent down and started putting the papers back into the case. He was almost done when the window shattered. He felt the breeze from a bolt pass right over him, missing by bare centimeters and shattering the clock he had been looking at only two millicycles before. He quickly ducked under the desk, pulling the case with him. He pulled the papers out and pulled out the sidearm that had been on the bottom. Right, he thought, like a sidearm’s going to be much use. Whoever’s shooting at me is probably a hundred meters away with a sniper’s shooter. Still, having the little needle shooter made him feel a little better. Then he heard the door being broken down. Maybe his needler would be of some use after all. A dull thudding sound came from the next room, then a feline scream. He heard footsteps, then voices speaking in Hormenith. They’ve killed Jalon, he thought, tears coming to his eyes at the thought of Hormenith agents shooting the poor felix. Why those. . . they’re going to pay for this, Jalon, I swear. They and their whole good for nothing cursed race! Footsteps again. They were coming for him. The footsteps stopped. They must be at the door. He readied himself under the desk. He heard a thud as they hit the door, then another and the door came off its hinges and fell down. Bolts sprayed across the room. The Hormenith agents muttered to themselves when they saw noone there. “What about under the desk?” one asked. Why did they have to think of that? One poked his shooter under the desk and fired. It missed by only centimeters. Good, they’re heading towards the door to the bedroom. Now’s my chance, just like in those spy stories. He fired, hitting one of the agents in the back with all four of his shots. The agent whirled around, alerted by the flashes of pain. To late. He shoot at the other agent, getting him in the face with two of his shots. The agent fired back, one bolt thudding harmlessly into the desk, the second biting deep into his arm. The first agent got off a shot that missed by a decimeter, then collapsed. The second tried to shoot again, found he was out of ammo, and started to reload before likewise collapsing. He quickly retrieved their weapons. Both empty. He found their ammo pouches and reloaded them. The pain from his arm was enormous, so he also checked to see if they had any medical kits on them. They did. He quickly took a painkiller out and injected himself. That was much better. He bandaged it as best he could, then went to the broken window, shooter in hand. Hah, I’d make a great field agent, wait until Command hears about this! He pulled aside the curtain. There! That’s the man that shot at me first. No – he’s about to shoot again! He quickly tried to duck, but he was too late. The bolt slammed into his hip, shattering bone. Unable to support himself, he collapsed. No! It’s not supposed to happen like this, it never does in the stories! He waited several millicycles there, not in much pain because of the Hor`boult he had injected himself with, but unable to stand or move around a very much due to his shattered hip. I guess he’ll come and kill me now. This isn’t how it happens in the stories! Wait, that doesn’t sound like a Hormenith, it’s – Shouting in Hal`gul`rin, then in Langoonian Standard could be heard from the front of the house. Yes, it is! MIS agents, here to rescue me, it is like in the stories! Just then, something came though the window and landed just inside his bedroom. A firebomb. There was a small explosion, then a fireball as the oil combusted. No, not now! Not just as things were starting to turn out alright after all! I have to get out of here! He tried to drag himself to the door, but found that his left arm, which had been shot by the agent lying unconscious in front of him, wouldn’t support him. He heard footsteps and voices, then felt arms lifting him up. Then the adrenalin left him, and he fainted. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 5th, 2005
10:46 pm	You haven't lost me that easily. . . . Yes, I am still hear. Just a little busy (what else is new) and not getting around to putting up any musings. I've had several interesting thoughts that I should write about on here to help explore them more, but for now, I shall leave you with a little fiction, part one in a short story I am writing. ~Part I: First Hints~ Langoonian date: 9 Enlar, Kilocycle 387 Gor`tith It had been a long day. But Gor`tith Resmean was almost done. Just another centicycle of shifting though intelligence reports and he could go home. For good. Almost, anyways. He would come in tomorrow, of course, but there would be no work for him to do. . . only the task of gathering his belongings. And the obligatory retirement party, of course. In the intelligence business, natural retirement was rare enough to be worth celebrating. Or it was for field agents, anyways. That’s what he had wanted to be, a field agent. But Personal Management had decided that his skills in data analysis were to good to waste in the field. He may have been good at it, but oh how he hated it. He’d be glad to be done with it. Oh well, he still had work to do. Next document. He quickly read over the report, looking for anything that might have some unknown importance. Reports of abnormal construction activity near the Hormenith Portal, with drawings of it done by an agent in the area. Oh how I wish I could be doing field work like the agent that sent that report! Gor`tith thought wistfully. Infiltrating the Kingdom of Norvoth, battling Hormenith agents in dark alleys, now that’s what espionage is supposed to be about! Not the dull, boring desk job I have. Oh well, I’ll be done with it soon . . . hmm, what’s this? Abnormal military movement near the Hormenith Portal, eh? Interesting. Especially with this one. Reports of abnormal activity at the Hormenith Portal, along with drawings taken from a high altitude balloon. . . what are the Norvoth doing over there? Is there some invader come though the portal? Something is up. He could always tell if something was up, even if there was no obvious connection. It was that skill that had made him so valuable to Data Analysis. He had always cursed that skill whenever his transfer requests were denied. But High Command loved it. He’d earned commendations many times. But it wasn’t what he wanted to do. Oh well, he thought to himself, I may not enjoy it, but if that’s what the Confederacy needs me to do, then I’ll endure it. After all, he reminded himself, it was only for another day. He glanced at the clock. He was officially done for the day. Something inside him, however, suggested that he go on. It’s feelings like that which got me here in the first place,</i> he thought somewhat bitterly. But oh well, the results never have been very good when I ignored them. . . . He glanced at the next document, and realized something was very wrong. Secrecy Level: 4 From Agent Greenfish, near the Hormenith Portal. Portal has been ordered closed to all traffic from both sides. Area cleared of all civilians without clearance from Norvoth government. All foreigners in area to be detained. He remembered some other reports he had read. One, a week ago, was about increased production of high quality building materials. The second, a day afer that, was of troops being pulled from normal assignments and disappearing from sight, their status listed as ‘special assignment.’ The last, this morning, large supplies of construction material headed towards the Hormenith Portal. These, along with the reports he had just read, pointed towards something important happening at the Hormenith Portal that the Norvoth did not want them to know about. They were up to something, that was sure. Something big. He gathered the reports and went to present his findings to his superior. (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 31st, 2005
1:14 am	And now for something completely different . . . I was recently pleasently surprised when something I posted here was the topic of a post on the blog of Donald S. Crankshaw, a man whose posts I admire, if not neccisarily completely agree with. I shall have to make a response to it soon, as well as continue our debate on Terri Schaivo! Meanwhile, for a chance of pace, here is some poetry I wrote about a year and a half ago. ~What Will Humans Do With Good?~ (Nov. ‘03) God created all things – A purpose to each. God called them ‘good.’ God created Humans to care for his work, and to use it well. God made us like him, able to choose, to name good and wrong. How can we abuse and use so wrongly that which God names good? God entrusted us to use good rightly. Will we betray? (Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 29th, 2005
3:56 am	Thoughts Keeping Me Awake Well, I can't sleep right now, and have therefore been thinking. Either that, or I have been thinking and therefore can't sleep. One of the two. Either that, or I took the wrong medicine tonight. I've done that once or twice. I suppose, in a way, it was again the Terri Schiavo case that got me on this train of thought. I have recently been reading this site, while my positions on many issues differ, sometimes dramatically, from the author, I think highly of him and enjoy reading his writing. I was recently reading something he had posted about Terri, and had posted a comment in response to it, which was, in my thinking, a well reasoned counter-argument. He responded to my comment with his own well reasoned counter, and his argument got me thinking. He raised some good points, I am not certain I agree with him entirely, but it did make me think. Several changes in thought topic later, I was thinking about the differences between Philosophically supporting something, and practically supporting something. Now, philosophically I support several ideas that would probably be quite unpopular to a good deal of people. However, I also recognize that they would not work well in this world with humans the way they are, and do not support them as practical ideas. I started to wonder about this. Just what is the difference between a philosophically good idea and a practically good idea? Can something that is right and good, that is in accord with God's will, be a bad thing when put into practice in our world? Can something that is not right, that goes against God, be justified? While part of me wants to say that of course this cannot be, there is evidence to the contrary. The early church, we are lead to believe, practiced something similar to communism. It seems a good idea in theory. Yet put into practice in our modern world, the results have been universally a failure. So perhaps the answer, is then, that something that is good in the eyes of God can be wrong for the world, and vise-versa. Yet somehow, I do not think the answer is so simple. This will require more thought. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, March 27th, 2005
12:20 pm	Resurrection Ramblings Christ the Lord is Risen! Alleluia! I was thinking. Well, alright, so I think most all the time, one of the reasons I don't get anything done (the other times I don't get things done it's because I'm not thinking). But I was thinking in church this morning, which I often do, as the sermons at the church I usually attend (where I sing in the choir, otherwise I might go elsewhere) tend to be something like my ramblings: long, thought provoking, but not exactly good at holding one's attention. This Easter morning, Robin, a member of our congregation died. She was well-loved by all, and had not been completely well since as long ago as I can remember, often coming to church with an oxygen tank. Her body was ill, but she was still friendly and enjoyed the service. She will be missed, but I do not think she would want us to be sad. Though life had given her more than enough reason to frown, I can remember her smiles whenever someone talked to her. She will be missed, and all our prayers go with her, but today is Easter, a day of rejoicing in new life. Therefore we will also rejoice in her new life with the risen Christ, where she will live forevermore, healthy at last. This was what started me thinking. Easter, it seemed, was a singularly appropriate day for one to pass from this life unto the next, especially for someone whose body was ill. My thoughts turned towards Terri Schiavo. She has been deathly ill for years, all but dead, ready to be reborn, but her mortal body has been kept alive, anchoring her soul to this world -- cruelly so, one might say. Most of those trying to keep her body alive seem to misunderstand two things: the situation and their own religion. Terri is not being killed. She is being allowed to die as would happen naturally, rather than being chained to this world by a ruined body. God did not intend for our earthly bodies to last forever, after the flood he said that man's days will be numbered at 120 years. Whether this is literal or not is not the point, the point is that life in this shadowland, this shade of the real life we have in Christ, is not meant to last forever. We did not eat of the Tree of Life: instead, Jesus is our eternal life. We do not provide healing from all ills, God does. While doctors can try to heal us, God is the only one that can completely heal us in all ways, thus our mortal efforts are, in the end, in vain. That is not to say that it is wrong to try to heal our mortal ills ourself: it is indeed a good thing, and we can, hopefully, enjoy long and fruitful lives. It would be nice, I think, to reach an old age and still be health (though I sometimes have a feeling that I will die young). But we must also recognize that it is not our job to save everyone. There are some ills we cannot heal, that only God can heal. We must learn to let go, instead of trying to play God and trying to keep everyone in this world, even when it is time for them to go to the next. We have a tendency to selfishly want to keep everyone here with us. But some, like Terri, can only be truly healed, only be truly free, with God. When her mortal body stops working, yes, we no longer have her mortal form with us. Yes, that is hard for us, and we will miss her. But we still will have our memories of her, and we can remember her when she was healthy, and we can know that she is risen with her Lord into eternal life, into true life, to be fully healed and to live forever in peace with her God. She will be free at last, free to praise God as her crippled body can no longer do, free from the chains of this dreary mortal life, free to have True Life with the One who heals us and gives us eternal life, and she shall live, healthy at last, in God's kingdom forever. Alleluia! The Lord is risen indeed! (Comment on this)